07/22/2008

Explosions In The Sky-Part 1

A lot have been going on lately. Too much info and u need to catch up. Like if we don't have a whole fucking boring life for that.
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I finished UNI and returned home to reunite with my nice family again but my father was sick. He had another depression. A year before, my father had his first depression. It was so fucking bad that he wanted me to stop school completely and come back home but I was dumb and stubborn and especially I didn't realize he was that sick. I took it personal and started hating him. After I made it clear to him that I would never quit school till I graduate, he took sometime to recover from his depression seeing specialists and taking lots of drugs. But he did recover. He became a new person, very passionate and full of energy he even forgot everything about that depression phase. I continued with my studies hating my father of course cuz one day he asked me to quit school. I even saw a shrink myself; I need to tell u that in between brackets since my younger age I had suicidal tendencies but this subject needs a whole new post; so the shrink told me I should run away and get my own life. BE INDEPENDENT FROM MY FATHER. But what was she thinking, I mean: HELLO! We're in Morocco for God's Sake. Impossible Dr. S.
podcast
After a year and a half, the depression came back this time more than the first. My father started to have suicidal thoughts. That was the time when I finished UNI and came back home. I took him to a specialist who told us that it did happen cuz right after his recovery he stopped taking medicine cuz he thought it was over; which provoked this impossible and bizarre chemical energy and now that energy has expired he's like dead inside again. He should have continued his treatment even though he thought he was okay. Anyways, my father started taking lots of medicine again; he saw lots of shrinks even traditional ones. I was against that idea that my uncle had of switching shrinks and medicines. Until now, I believe that my uncle had a lot to do with my father's illness. He was always around like his shadow. Always thought he was evil but I was sure the day I had an argument with him about making my father change doctors and drugs every once and a while. He was supporting that idea and taking my father see people who even worsen his case telling him he's so sick he had the brain of a five year old; that he will never recover ever... When that uncle was around my dad I knew he was the devil, that bad voice eating my father's brain. However, when I was with him he was showing a lot of progress and I was happy and proud. I learned to have compassion for my father. I started to love him again. The hate was gone out the window. Even the doctor I was taking him to see regularly was seeing progress. But sadly, other stuff was going on.

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03/31/2006

Roots bloody Roots: Tafraout

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Jamaican breeze

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Justified absence: technical problem (pc broke down)

I just realized I’ve been absent for about 4 months! What happened during this period? Nothing exiting really or worth writing about! However, I discovered something; I am a cruel person that’s what my parents claim. Why? My grandparents had an accident lately and I didn’t even pick the phone to check on them + I don’t care about my own parents. Why? A lack of time but I do have them in mind. After my mother, almost in tears, hang up with me on the phone, I realized that my excuse is nonsense. A criticism process of my own person began… secluded, anti-social, highly depressive and pessimistic… It seems like all the bad stuff is buried inside of me! When did it all start? Cul-de-sac! I can’t investigate; maybe I am afraid of digging… maybe next time… Inchallah!

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11/29/2005

Alice in chains

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